Thursday, June 27, 2013

Finding Yourself...or Creating?

I'm sure you've all have seen my little animated box off to the right of the blog. It's the button I use on my pinterest posts, though unfortunately you can only see the first part of it and can't find out the punchline...until you click on it. Mwaha! (Yes, of course that was intentional...ahem.)

So. Consider the statement. Life isn't about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself.

We go through life hearing people say, "Oh, she just needs to find herself," or, "He's going through the process of finding himself." Find yourself, find yourself, believe in yourself, on and on and ON AND ON AND ON.

Why am I getting worked up? Because for those of us still in the "works," this statement can be pushy and annoying. We're trying to find our voice and our place in the world, but for some of us it's harder than others, and the pressures of the world keeps growing and growing, and soon we feel behind and like a failure because we haven't moved forward.

My whole life I've felt like the one behind. I had two older brothers who were gone way before I even entered/was finished with high school, my friends are older than I and so they finished school before me and are in college/about to graduate, and I was (weird saying was, just FYI I graduated from school THIS month, so I'm still getting use to the...lingo?) the literally isolated, homeschooled, shy girl (still isolated and shy, however ;) ) who made too big of a deal out of it. I often felt like I was going nowhere.

Growing up I had so many plans for my life, but a few big events changed the way I looked at things and how I handled them, and I found my whole self changing. I realized the only thing I want to do and feel like I can do is write. I've decided to pursue online studies in writing and not go for a degree because at the moment, I don't feel it's necessary. However, I don't know about you and your plans, but right now these plans I have are scaring me. Freelance writing isn't necessarily a steady, well-paying job, you know. How is my life going to pan out? Should I really consider something else and putting writing on a hold?

I can give you an answer right now: No.

For so long I've looked at this in the wrong perspective, but lately I've been switching. I use to think it was horrible how I had so many different ideas for what I "wanted to be when I grew up." Then I was excited to settle on writing, but then I was afraid of the career and the possible instability it would give me down the road, and I became terrified of not having given myself other options. Do I still have time to change my mind? Absolutely. Am I going to change my mind? No. Why? Because knowing what I want, no matter what it is, is a blessing. The REAL question isn't how will this affect me in the future, but how will I LET it affect me in the future? What am I going to do with this passion? Shall I bemoan loving to write and hold myself back to keep from failing, or will I jump forward, unafraid of failure, and fuel my passion for the better?

I've determined to jump forward. My whole life I've been afraid of failing, but I'm not going to let that mindset get the better of me this time. I am going to study the craft, find my voice in writing, and see where it leads me. There are hundreds upon thousands of possibilities where writing can lead me, and to be honest, when I sit back and consider them from a wider point of view, I get excited. I don't know where I'll be led - hopefully somewhere amazing, but maybe it will be low-key. I'm going to be happy with either and be confident in knowing I didn't give up.

When people say they are trying finding themselves, I think it's really the opposite. They are waiting for their true 'selves' to magically come and find them. It doesn't work that way. You can't sit back and wait for your life to begin. You have to take the first step and get off your lazy bum and get out there. Create yourself - that's the only way you're going to really find your voice.

On that note, I'm going to have an announcement coming up soon about a personal project I am starting to plan that's really getting me excited. So, make sure to keep up with the blog so you can find out what it is ;)


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